Who is Running the Show?

In order to build a healthy relationship with someone, we have to build a healthy relationship with ourselves.  As I said in my last post,  breathing and relaxing will allow you the space to get to know yourself.  These moments are an opportunity to simply reflect, (or journal if you have expanded your quiet time) about present thoughts and feelings, perhaps coming to some conclusions about the direction life is going.  Have you ever looked at your life and wondered why it’s not turning out as planned?

In spite of positive intentions to create a life with a lasting love relationship, a successful career or healthy lifestyle, there seems to be something that keeps you from fulfilling your dreams?

Introducing… the Director of the Show!  He lives in the basement of your being and shouts messages through a megaphone about who you are and what you should do.   You are not enough, you are unlovable, you are worthless, you don’t matter…not nice, right?  When you hear these messages over and over, especially at a young age (they didn’t have to be spoken, you absorbed them anyway), they certainly did not help you build a love relationship with yourself.  They only helped to crush your self-esteem and, as our “liking ourself” mechanism goes out of whack, we usually don’t make good choices in life.

I know that might sound a bit frightful but we all have experienced the Director in varying degrees.  How else would we have a chance to grow into healthy adults, if we did not have challenges to push us and prod us up the hill until we can finally  see our greatness.   At some point in our lives, #nowisgood,  we can choose to wake up and say enough!  Who is running the show?  It’s been called the False Self, the Conditioned Self and the Wounded Inner Child to name a few.  Once you understand that this saboteur has been feeding you false information, you can take control by putting a positive spin on the old messages.  I am enough, I am lovable, I matter, I count!  When you begin to shift your energy towards loving yourself, you will begin, as Dr. Phil always says, to get excited about your life!

Here are three steps to begin building a new relationship with yourself.  First, become aware of the Director and what he has been saying to you.  Second, notice what patterns of behavior you play out based on those messages.  Third, start to change the script and become the Director of your own show by seeing new possibilities and making new choices.

For example:  If I believed that I was unlovable (and a big disclaimer here…our parents and/or others who influenced our past did the best they could with what they knew, so no blame more forgiveness), then based on that message, I might do anything for a partner (including being abused) to keep from being rejected or abandoned or I might reject them as intimacy evolves  before they can reject me.  

Fear of intimacy, “INTO ME I SEE”  which means, I know what’s inside of me and I don’t want you to see it).  So…enough of that negative self talk- change the script- I am lovable!  If you don’t believe it yet, look at a childhood photo of yourself when you were about five years old…is that a face of an unlovable child?!  Take that child into your own heart and pour on the love.